What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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