You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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