I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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