i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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