..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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