I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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