just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
