Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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