Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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