Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
