Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
