kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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