she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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