Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
