so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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