i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
