They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need water and some morals
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
