last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was like eating out sand paper
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This toilet bowl is my home.
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