I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
