Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Two words: blizzard sex
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
