Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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