Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
