3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
