so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
