Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
