Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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