Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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