I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
