Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the condom got lost in my hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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