when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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