he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
