if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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