:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
