she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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