My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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