I wish I only lived at night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
