i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
