I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize