Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I FOUND THE LEGS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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