he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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