Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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