I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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