i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
