If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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