i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
