I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
