I bet he comes in French.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
