hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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