in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
