i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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