he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize