I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They took my balls.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
