I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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