kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
