well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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