Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
