If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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