no, he came in my armpit
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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