can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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