Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize