K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
